


oscillation overthrust

by psocoptera



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Aliens, Bitty/Parse endgame, Crack, M/M, Rebound Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:05:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psocoptera/pseuds/psocoptera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is a literal spacetoaster, Bitty is the most oblivious, and Kent Parson was never one to miss a window of opportunity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oscillation overthrust

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't ship Bitty/Parse, but I wanted to see if I could write them a happily-ever-after I could buy into. It was an interesting exercise; I hope it works shippiness-wise.
> 
> Plot very loosely based on the movie "Strange Invaders".

"You're _what_?" Bitty squawks.

"Going back to my home galaxy," Jack repeats. "My own mission was over once I won the second Stanley Cup, but I asked if I could stay with you. But now that Jack Smallberries finally found Waldo, our mastery of human skills is complete, and it's time for us to go."

"Jack... Smallberries?" Bitty asks faintly.

"We're all named Jack," Jack explains. "It's the one thing _Buckaroo Banzai_ got close to right."

Bitty blinks.

"I'm so sorry, my love," Jack says. "I know you'll miss me and the children - "

"You're taking the _babies_?" Bitty screeches.

"They belong with their own kind," Jack says, like that should have been obvious.

"They're aliens too?"

"Didn't you ever wonder why they spent most of their time as floating, glowing orbs of pure energy?"

"I thought it was a Canadian thing!" Bitty wails. "You put gravy on your french fries, too! Oh, Jack! Can't you take me with you?"

"Your human body couldn't survive the acceleration," Jack says. "I need you to live, and be happy. For me. And Bitty," Jack says, starting to condense into a refulgent sphere the same brilliant blue as his eyes, "Eat more protein."

*

Parse shows up the next day.

"So Jack finally left," he says without preamble, when Bitty opens the door.

Bitty just gawps at him.

"I've had a guy at the observatory keeping tabs on their mothership for years," he says, pushing in past Bitty. "Are you doing okay? I'm guessing he didn't give you a lot of warning."

"You could say that," Bitty says. "Wait, you _knew_?"

"I assumed for a long time you did too," Parse says, "Or I would have made him tell you before the wedding. I didn't figure out that you didn't know until, uh, the adoption."

"I guess it was weird that everyone at the agency was named Jack," Bitty says thoughtfully. "At the time I was too excited to think about it much. But why didn't you - "

"I guess I wanted you to get to enjoy the time you had left," Parse says, rolling his eyes like he doesn't want Bitty to take him too seriously. "I didn't - I never really got that chance, with him, whatever."

Bitty sighs. "I think at some level I always knew. The musical ignorance, the struggle with human emotions... the way he could light the grill with his eyes... I feel so stupid now for not seeing it."

Parse puts his hand over Bitty's. They've somehow ended up on the couch. Parse is sitting... kind of close. "No, no," he says, "Not to get mushy, but you guys really had something beautiful."

Bitty sniffs. "And I'll never have it again."

Parse coughs. "This is maybe the wrong time to tell you this," he says, "But I've dedicated the last fourteen years of my life to figuring out how to replicate that thing he could do with his tongue."

Bitty's eyes go big. "The - you mean - _you_ can - "

"I can't light a grill with my eyes," Parse says smugly, "But yeah. I'm sure everyone is saying 'if there's anything I can do for you', but, just, consider that part of my 'anything', okay?"

"Oh, wow," Bitty says. He looks down at his hands, under Parse's, and moves them decisively to the back of Parse's neck. Parse looks surprised. 

"Really?"

"My momma didn't raise no fools," Bitty says. "I spent last night crying my eyes out, I'd much rather be - uh."

"Coming your brains out?" Parse finishes for him, smirking. "I think we could manage that."

He hauls Bitty into his lap, Bitty going eagerly, scrambling to straddle him. It's Bitty who pulls Parse into the first scorching kiss.

Twenty minutes later, they're naked and panting on the floor, Bitty's ankle hooked over Parse's.

"Wow," Bitty says, still wheezing a little, rolling his head to look over at Parse. "Maybe some people would say you moved in kind of fast, but noooo objections here. Wait, did you fly out here just to offer me rebound sex?"

"Not... just sex?" Parse says hesitantly, wincing and staring resolutely at the ceiling. "At first I thought it was just competitiveness, like, he wouldn't let you get a pet because animals are weird about aliens, and I would think, yes! I love cats, I'm totally better than that blue-glowing bastard! But, uh. You're... pretty special."

"Waaait," Bitty says, rolling to his side and propping himself up on his elbow to look at Parse. "Are you saying you're... actually interested in me? Please be clear, I think we've established I sometimes miss things."

Parse squirms a little, like he might be about to flee, but stays on his back on the floor.

"I'm saying you could rebound with me on an ongoing and open-ended basis," he says, "And I would be, um. Very happy about that. Rebound sex, rebound moving in with me instead of staying here with the memories... whatever."

Bitty stares at him for a moment, then reaches over to trace a pattern on his chest with the tip of his finger.

"Getting Jack to admit to wanting anything was like pullin' teeth," he says consideringly. "There's something darn attractive about you just putting that out there like that."

"But?" Parse says, watching his face closely.

Bitty leans over and kisses him, slowly this time, letting Parse hold him in close.

"The tongue thing..." he says, in between little kisses. "You didn't replicate it."

Parse thumps his head against the floor. "Shit, really? I haven't exactly had a lot of chances with anyone who could make the comparison, but I really thought - "

"You didn't let me finish," Bitty says, poking Parse in the ribs. "You didn't replicate it, sweetheart, you _improved_ on it."

Parse grins, fierce and bright and hopeful all at once. "You're saying I win?"

"I'm saying _I_ win," Bitty says, "... do you think your cat would like me?"

"She has excellent taste," Parse says, and Bitty puts his head down on Parse's shoulder. He has this sudden vision, one family out there in space, safe and happy, and... another one, with him, on Earth?

"Ten more minutes then I want to go again," Bitty says.

"Keep kissing me and I'll get you there in five," Parse murmurs, and, well, Bitty has always been a 'when life gives you lemons make lemon meringue pie' kind of guy: he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Jack is obviously Jack Bigboote.


End file.
